She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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