he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
