last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
