just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Boobs speak an international language.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
