420 ftw
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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