Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
