He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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