Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
