And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
