You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And then my night got REAL pukey
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
