That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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