nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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