dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
