i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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