Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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