I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
