ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
