It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
