Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
