i just had sex bonerless
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
