Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
