There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
