I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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