Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
