i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
