i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm at about main and main street
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
