I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
