Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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