I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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