I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
