I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this just has baby written all over it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
