I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
