ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
