The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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