Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
