If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
