Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
