I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
