I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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