I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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