When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
