Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
