So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
