Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
