I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
