i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
