Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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