I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
