If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
