So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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