I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
