i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
