Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
